Dear Santa,

Yeah. I don’t know what happened exactly. I feel like over the years, through all the maturing hubbub and disillusionment over adult reality, there has been this kind of distance growing between us. I’ve been thinking it over a lot this seasons. I thought (and my therapist agreed) I should  write you personally to address, what I feel is a “cooling period” in our communication. And believe me, I take full responsibility for my part in our “misunderstanding.”

When I was little, you were there like, unconditionally. I liked the Snuggle Bunch Doll, on Christmas morning there was the Snuggle Bunch Doll under the tree. Same with the Nutcracker, Barbie pool and pom-poms. This arrangement was founded upon the exchange of my good behavior for your promised gift delivery. I honored this diligently, especially in the December school days leading up to winter break. I’m just curious what happened around age 11? I kind of feel like you dumped this responsibility on my parents who were clearly confused about my choice in underwear and music and I’m worried that your “disappearance” may have been due to an incident at age 11. I am writing to explain to you it was clearly an accident.

If this is about gluing my brother’s lips to his fork… please believe me, this was not entirely on purpose. My brother was in fact using the glue near the dinner table for a school project. It was a crowded and confusing scenario that day in the kitchen. Glue drips, kitchen tables are crowded during the holidays and accidents happen. I simply don’t feel this accident should cause you to abandon a well-behaved child in the succeeding years.  I had essentially nine years of otherwise perfect behavior. I’m just saying. Please reconsider.

Should you feel, at this time, we can move forward and resume our arrangement, I thought I might include a few “ideas” for you to consider this Christmas in exchange for my noble amends. Aside from the obvious, like a solution to the obsene interest on my mortgage and a two-year raise delay, also the chance that Jimmy will not need braces, there is one thing that might bring me joy! It would make me feel like a kid aglow with glee before the tree. There is a yellow coat at Barracuda Bazaar which my husband is too blind to notice me drooling over. I want it like a mo fo. It is totally cute and makes me feel skinny (which is a Christmas miracle in itself) and it won’t be there in January. It is only 52.00. However, I want my faith in you back. So I know you can do this one thing for me to ignite our loving rapport once again.

You know. I’m glad we talked. I feel like we can really put all this in the past. I think I know that you know that I know I can trust you to put the magic back into Christmas. Thank you. I look forward to the coat. I included a picture off their website.


Barracuda Barbie.