Well for goodness sake… finally the answer to the Real Estate problem! Thank you heaven! You see what we have here at Barracuda Bazaar is Saint Joseph, the Patron Saint of Real Estate “protector of home sellers and buyers, carpenters, families, fathers, expectant mothers, travellers, immigrants craftsmen and working people.” It says so right on the box and he’s only 5 bucks. He is a simple humble looking fellow; cradling to his chest, none other than a carpenter’s leveler. I can see it in his eyes, his soul is true.

The way to use Saint Joseph is to bury him under your home’s For Sale sign. This item also contains a prayer (on the back of the box) to “invoke the full power of Saint Joseph.” I’m just really grateful that somebody is promoting the one true way. In this illogical world, what you need are the facts about the way to a desired outcome. Thank you Accoutrements for consistently providing these “ways” and products. Thank you Saint Joseph for interceding on our behalf. Real Estate, in this day and age, is a serious business. Seriously awesome.

Not.

Also available, are giant horse head masks, Communist tongue scrapers and potato guns. You know, for when prayers don’t work and you need to pop someone in the head with chunks of potato.